is it a matter of changing a point of view? switching the way you think about things, how you approach things? when things that you should understand, have understood in the past....things that brought you joy, that were, for you, at the most peaceful, at the least calm, drive you to such a state of aggitation, cause your mind to run so far, so fast that everything seems to slip away as you attempt to hold onto it? you go from being soothed, being more or less a one man show, to suddenly feeling like your body is on fire, every touch, your hair touching your neck, your forhead, your shirt sleeves rubbing against your arm when you move, your pants sliding along your flesh...every single movement is a screaming torture, and nothing you do brings it down, every move you make to try to bring yourself down drives it higher and higher, causes more friction against your skin, until you simply have to break down into tears or risk screaming. You try to let it be, ignore it when you start to feel it, when it creeps along the edges of your mind, trying to ignore it stalking along for you... so many ways for it to be expressed, but there's no way for it to get through...nothing good can come from it, not in the state that it manifests, and its there...you ignore, you supress until you simply don't care...you fight the feeling, you try to find ways to justify it, try to find other outlets, until something that once brought you fulfilment and joy is something you dread...when the thought of it, when, along with the thrill, the initial response your body gives also brings a feeling of desperation, and something that feels akin to desperation.

how do you put those pieces back? are they even broken if the only thing you have to do is rearrange your point of view? what if all you have to do is kiss the past goodbye and hope the future doesn't blow your mind? when you have someone willing to help you put the pieces back....when you have that security, when you trust someone to catch you when you fall...when you let someone in...against all prior acts of trust before... how can you be sure it won't swing around and take your feet out from under you? You don't... nothing is 100% sunshine and roses, and the more you think that it is, the harder your fall will be. There is always a darker shade of grey, but that is how life works...you cannot be in denial, beliving in Fairy Tale endings...are there happy endings? Most certainly...but Fairy Tale endings don't exist.

You can tear yourself apart, hating yourself for emotions that are perfectly natural....jealousy, while in large doses can be unhealthy...it's something we all deal with in some form or another, be it in jest or in truth...the point of it, is how you deal with it, what you do with it...hating yourself for feeling that emotion, will only cause more grief...at the very least. what you have to ask yourself is if this is something you want to go on forever, round and round? is it something worth discussing, is it something that you need to bring up, and air out? while being honest, is something that should be done...sometimes things shouldn't be said...