eggshells

So you know... im sure everyone does it at least at some point in their life...walking on eggshells.

"A good friend said, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." " (so totally snatched this from Dev!) and while yes..this is true...i will totally admit to that, i have this habit of not speaking up, because i dislike confrontation....not saying i don't enjoy a good argument somtimes, just for the sake of arguing (i have anger issues), but i hate anger directed at me.. not for arguments sake, but anger born of hurt... i can't tolerate it, and it makes my throat burn just thinking about it.

So there's an honesty policy...i can live with that...even if i forget sometimes, err on the side of not wanting to hurt someone, so i don't always speak up.. and because its habit to not say what's bothering you, because you don't wish to be complaining... or not to say what's on your mind, because you are afraid you will seem silly, or that you will seem overly needy or just down right wanton...

when you have been so easily misunderstood before....especially when your brain moves faster than you are able to keep up with verbally, when you get so frustrated with that, that you suddenly become ESL when the only language you know fluently IS English.....it makes it so hard to voice the deeper things...even when you really truly want too....